The Mortgage Pirate - scuttlin' home loans from Tortuga to Rat Island and all the seven seas in between!
Daaarrrggggg! Ye be stumbin' upon the Mortgage Pirate, the nastiest, foulest, most mortgage plunderinest pirate to sail upon yon cyberseas! An yer welcome ter join my crew, if ye dares, in me quest fer mortgage fortune and loan infamy! We be naught but a calm gatherin 'o folks, sailin' about on our Internet ships. Yet when we comes cross a cursed mortgage driftin' in our waters ye can be bettin we fight like the devil! An' why do we do it? Fer the prize, me hearties! This be nothin' less than a quest for lower interest rates, more fair loaning practices an' solid ground 'pon which to lay our weary heads in our own homes. I be the Mortgage Pirate: I'm tired and mean and worn to me very core by the dastardly devil dogs who be makin' me mortgage into a witches brew of cost that siphons all o' me pilferins. Curse ye, lenders an brokers around the world! Prepare to be boarded by the Mortgage Pirate!
I curse the day they invented mortgages. Curse you, J.P. Morgan and all your villainous suited seed! Curse you, Veterans Association! You scurvy bastards been wreakin havoc on me dismembered crew from here to the port of Galilee, and with ne'er a lime nor orange in sight to fight off the rickets and keep mine empty eye from twitchin'. D'arrrg! Curses! And a fiddledee fum! Ye be findin' yerself in the bone yard lest ye keeps yer loans off me home, see? Ye been warned! Ye been warned! The Mortgage Pirate is here to scuttle ye financial ships, plunder yer hatch and hearth and the likes, make off with yer womenfolk in the midst o' midnight and gallavant 'round with a fist full 'er blood and one hand on the bosom. Avast! And down with the Royal British Fleet! Down with American Naval prowess! Down down down with predatory lenders an' the folk who be turning home loans into profit. I'm gonna burn me a Tree tonight! Aye. Prepare yourselves to be scuttled by the bitterly loathsome Mortgage Pirate!
Bein' the Mortgage Pirate an all, it be proper to let all ye landlubbers know just what me an me crew be doin' out here in the nameless, vast cyberseas. We be fightin' fer justice and the rights of man and woman, young and old, good credit and bad credit and everywhere in between. We be fightin' fer mortgages, to keep the way of the home loan fair and true, real unwaverin' like and sailing straight for the savings horizon. Home loans be a nasty business indeed, and the Mortgage Pirate is here fightin' fer those who can't be fightin' fer themselves. D'aaaarg! Ahoy! And prepare to be dazzled and diced by the Mortgage Pirate whole findin' new mortgage rates.