Mortgage Pirate - Bad Credit Mortgage

Bad Credit Mortgage - Shiver Me Already Shivered Timbers

Avast, lending swine! Quit yer cryin' just because ye got bad credit and need a bad credit mortgage fer yer scurvy-lovin' home. I be the Mortgage Pirate, and boy do I got me some bad credit. Me credit's so bad it be down in the briny deep, minglin' with the likes of Davey Jones and old Hob, and the rest of the boys swimmin' along the lost reef where my credit gone swaggerin' twenty years past. Aye, I gots some bad credit mateys, all my pieces of eight go straight to the brew, but I tells ye, and ye best listen up good to the Pirate; if a bad credit mortgage is what yer needin' to buys a home, ye best be ready to pay!

What it are and what it ain't: burning down the bad credit mortgage

Here be a tale, as fair and true as yer pleasin'. The year was nineteen hundred and nintey too. The place? Round 'bout the Bay of the Hudson. The winds were fresh, the skies all open and blue, and yer Mortgage Pirate here stepped off of his ship and made haste to the closest mortgage lender. I was needin a break, see? From the briny depths, some landtime to save me from the high-rollin' jitters, and me own place to participate in some land lovin' lovin', if yer catchin' me drift. Eh? Heh heh heh. Anyhoo, I steps into this office real proper likes, and I says to this chomper, "I be needin' a loan!" He asks me fer a credit history an' I shows him me deadlights, and me 50 lashes from the cat-o-nine I gots fer callin' me ole' captain "a goat lovin' ninny." And this miserable lending wretch goes on to snicker he does! So I grabs him and yells "Where be me loan, hobbit?" An he tells me unless I be wantin' ter pay 50% down and 18% interest, that weren't being no loans fer me that day. I gots bad credit, see? So I walks from the office and back to the Fiscal Revenge and sets afloat once more, abandoning me bad credit mortgage for the fishes.

What could I do? I be a pirate! I gots no 'income' as you says, lest you count me cache of burgled cigarettes and designer boots an honest revenue. So I gives up, not to be sayin' the rest a you should. But ye best beware o' the bad credit mortgage, and you'd best be knowing what it are and what it ain't;

a bad credit mortgage be a fine financial cutlass if ye be willin' ter sacrifice a few niceties of yer loan. Fer instance, ye can expect to pay a whole whale greater in interest with a bad credit loan than with yer good credit type. It be the law of the land, the lenders stink code we all gots to abide by lest they be running us through.
but ye can get good deals on a bad credit mortgage, if ye know how to bargain the heathens down in their prices. Know yer credit beforehand and sings yer songs to as many ears as'll listen. And make 'em listen good, tell 'em they ain't the only gig in the sea, and your loan request will be like the siren's terrible song, dragging the lenders helplessly into your financial trap. See, they want to lend ye their money, but they want 'ye to pay fer it. Make 'em compete!
Last, a bad credit mortgage can get ye your house, and take the Pirates word when he says "Ain't no room on the sea for the likes of you an' me." So gets off, and find yerself a land lubbin' locale. Arrgh!

And now, for the ladies and gentlemen in the galley, what it ain't. And ye best be listenin' good:

a bad credit mortgage ain't no easy-rockin' pleasure boat. You gotta work. Swab the decks! All hands and all crew! This be a titan investment in your lifetime says I, the size of which I've only seen once, in the port of Osaka in the guise of a eight-legged leviathan with a mouthful of fire. I ain't been walkin right since, and you won't be neither lest you be wary of your loans!
and a bad credit mortgagebe not somethin' you can ignore! Get yer nose in the work, if ye be catchin' my drift, get down in the deep and know what you are gettin'. Don't let yerself be marooned on the Isles of Doom with naught but a bottle and pistol with a single shot for yer skull. Know what rates ye be gettin an when the winds turn to the south just jump ship and find yourself a berth with another loan crew.

that be the advice from the Mortgage Pirate, and that be all ye need ter know. D'arrgggg!